Day 15


Hey! I remembered to post today!


I spent a good part of my day working on knitting and crochet projects that I need to get done not just for myself but for upcoming pattern releases (some of which are paid gigs). I even got a banner design done. I'm not sure how I was so productive today, that's just how it worked out. I think my wonderful productivity today has a lot to do with how I take advantage of my personality type. I know that I have trouble keeping a schedule. I purposefully make my to do lists by the week, rather than by the day. If I have something that I have to do on a specific day, I know it's serious. Something about rules makes me want to break them. When I find some free time, I consult my weekly list and knock some things off. That way I'm not committing to myself too hard. I'm not creating "rules" for myself that I need to break. My weekly lists are a suggestion of things to do during my free time. Sometimes, to do list items are more of a chore, so some forcing is involved, but I know what the consequences are because, most likely, I've put that very same task off before. This is just part of being an adult, but it's a learning curve, for sure. Learning how to get things done in your own time and own way sounds simple, but takes years to master. If I never addressed my depression I would probably still act like I did when I was 23. It's hard to mature when your brain wants to do nothing. I guess having a kid helped, too, but I would never have had a kid when I was 23. If I did, I would be a hot mess. I will be forever grateful to myself for getting the help I needed. I learn more everyday about myself and now I feel like I'm beginning to understand what people mean when they say getting older can actually be pretty fun. Growing up is pretty cool. I feel like my soul is developing like an image in a dark room, only much slower. My opinions and worldview are constantly evolving and changing with all the information I take in and experiences I have. I love looking back on my past journal entries and reading my explanations on why I felt and thought the way I did at that particular point in time.


Anyway, I'm done rambling. I'm going to drink my chamomile and go to bed early because I listed that as a non-food reward in my Whole30 journal today.


Here's a view from my backyard this afternoon:


© 2018 Candace Pauly